So my first instinct was to apologize for not writing for a while… yet when I sat down to start writing, I couldn’t be bothered. Even if I regret not writing for four months, I don’t want to apologize to anyone, because I don’t owe anyone anything. Now that I’ve written this, I feel incredibly pretentious, but I stand by that sentiment.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly honoured by the people who take time to read my blog and tell me that they enjoy it. Although I’m a little weirded out by the random people I don’t know reading, liking, and following, I’m also pleasantly surprised. It’s nice to know that this epic journey of my internal rambler isn’t a solitary one, and that people can connect to my story and my introspection. I even get a kick out of imagining how the people I’ve written about squirm a little.
But in the end, this blog is mine. My introspection, my story, my view point, that I want to share with others. Apologizing and feeling guilt means I owe someone something for this, but for this project, for this blog, I only owe it to myself to write, and to think. I refuse to feel guilty because I’m too busy living life instead of writing about it, or because I want to do now and think later.
I do regret not writing for a while. While Project 14 is still a work in progress, not a failure, I feel like I lost some of the drive it sparked at the beginning of the term. Writing helps me clear my mental voice, center myself, and build my confidence. Doing it more regularly would give me more discipline, and it slows me down when the world goes too fast, and it gives me the kick in the ass I need when I drag my heels.
And yet, life happens. I’m finally half way through my two degrees, I’ve started something special with someone, and a billion other things happens, big and small. We’ll see how much more writing I get down now that I have more time between semesters. I do want to write again, though. I need every single bit of inspiration, pluck, and confidence I can scrounge for next term.
Writing this, I also realize I miss the act itself: the careful placement of word after word, the click of the keys, and the scrutiny of all the different facets of my personality, including my pretentious side (I’ve got to work on that….). At any rate, I think I’m back!